R-E-S-P-E-C-T our third Core Value

Core Value #3 - Respect of Self and Others

Respect of Self and Others

You know respect when you see it or feel it. Conversely, we can certainly identify when we have seen or been the recipient of disrespect. But sometimes it's hard to describe. Respecting a colleague could be as easy as listening without interruption, or thanking them for a referral.

For clients it could show up as being on time for appointments, as well as ending a session on time.

Self-respect is necessary, I believe, in order to be respectful of others. If a person has been raised in an environment where he/she has been encouraged, supported and cherished for their individual uniqueness, then that person will develop positive attitudes more easily. I believe it will be easier for them to extend respect to others because it has been modeled for them. On the other hand, someone who has been constantly demeaned, belittled and ridiculed will have more of a challenge to extend respect because it is an unknown to them...they have never experienced it. The importance of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is paramount when it comes to respect.

How does one recognize healthy self-respect? To me, a person who has self-respect is quietly confident. They have realistic ideas about their strengths and weaknesses. They are able to see themselves in the world---that the world does not revolve around them, and that they have abilities to offer others. In turn, others have gifts to share with them. Being open to possibility is another trait of the self-respectful individual. Perhaps we might consider as well, that the self-respecting individual also exhibits humility, in that they know and accept they do not have all the answers all of the time.

Can you think of someone in your life who fits this description? How does it feel to be in their company? For me, individuals who practice self-respect exude warmth and sincerity. They demonstrate that they believe in values, and will defend those values, even if it means "swimming against the current". Sometimes they are not popular because they often will call attention to situations that perhaps we are unwilling to acknowledge and tackle. They are able to set healthy boundaries in relationships, and are not afraid of letting others know when these boundaries have been crossed.

Identifying individuals who lack self-respect is, I think, pretty easy. They demonstrate total disregard for other people, property, and feelings; they seem to have a sense of either being victims (and therefore not responsible for how they act) or having a sense of entitlement, in that they are "owed" by the world in general. Perhaps you have experienced someone like this? Possibly they are indifferent to the opinions, emotions, and ideas of others...whether family members, co-workers or even complete strangers. I think it gives them license to speak and act irresponsibly, without having to face consequences for anything. It can also camouflage their feelings of inferiority.

One thing is certain...there is no easy answer or solution to a situation where someone disrespects others. There are many possible options, enough that probably could support a major thesis or book. However, it is important, I believe to set the tone by modeling healthy behaviour ourselves. As the pundits say: "Actions speak louder than words". If we struggle with this, then perhaps life has presented us with an opportunity to expand, heal and grow. It is also important, too, that we not tackle this issue of disrespect alone. Having several individuals modeling respectful behaviour sets the tone, whether in the workplace, the classroom or the home. Sometimes we need to utilize outside resources. They are available---whether in the local library, employee assistance programs, or perhaps professionals, such as a family doctor, therapist or clergy, depending on the situation and the individuals involved.

Getting back to self-respect, it is my opinion that when we look after ourselves, we show the world that we claim our self-worth. Part of my journey involved learning to allow myself enough time to accomplish chores I needed/wanted to complete. Later on, another aspect was learning to negotiate some of those chores. I found, for example, that when I organized myself the night before heading into work, that I was not so rushed and "frazzled" in the mornings. I could speak calmly and quietly to family members instead of shrieking in a frenzy. I was able to arrive on time for work so that my colleagues could enjoy their day. Common courtesy is an important ingredient of respect, both for self and others.

Our private and professional lives reflect how we respect ourselves and others.

How is respect illustrated in your life?

Until next time, may you enjoy the respect of those around you.

Blessings and Gratitude,
Mary-Cathrine